The day before I turn 25.
Today is my last day being 24. Please excuse my dramatic essence but its how I feel.
It is raining in Vancouver today and I need the rain. It calms me , allows me to take a step back, slow down; a day to be introspective. I am currently in bed listening to James Bay, I just feel like I need to write how this birthday is making me feel because myabe you are/ have felt this way.
Maybe its just me , but…. this scares me… in good way? A bad way? I have no idea. It is the realization that we have no control over time, days, weeks, life.
In the past month, I feel as though a blanket of calm and acceptance has came over and covered me. The acceptance I am getting older, life is moving on and i just need to go with it. It’s scarey because then we ask ourselves really deep questions, and have to think about “serious” things that we don’t like to think about. Am I who I want to be? Am I who / where I thought I would be at the age of 25? Do I love my job? Is my partner the one for me, forever? Do I want to travel more?Am I happy? What do I want? The type of thoughts that we like to have in our mind but maybe not spend too much time figuring you the answers because they may be too stressful.
I think everyone has a different age that they get to, and life just hits them, 25 is the age for me.
Two days ago a got a birthday card in the mail from my parents. I was alone, it was 11pm on a Saturday night.I opened the card, reading in my moms hand writing “Happy 25th Birthday Mich”, and in that moment, I cried. Like full on tears down my face, the whole heavy water works. In that very quick moment, I thought “HOLY F***”. Its not the “17 th , 18 or 22nd ” birthday anymore. I thought “I don’t live at home in Montreal, I am away from my family, I am on the west coast, this is where I am in this moment, I receive birthday cards in the mail from my family”. I wiped my tears and pulled myself together and pushed this thought out of my mind and went to go shower. Who’s to say I’m being overdramatic? Everyone is different and this is how I am reacting to life and me getting older.
But honestly, I am the person I want to be. I love the person I am, and the adult I am becoming. When I was younger I had a timeline, or a vision for what my life would be like as an adult. I realize that that timeline isn’t on point, and I need to accept that its ok. And honestly, I think Im ok with that. I am going to live everyday as best that I can, do the best that I can, always choosing to be happy, because shit, life goes by quick. I look in the mirror and really LOOK at myself. We have ONE life. That is kinda scarey. We get one chance to be happy and LIVE! To be ALIVE, to love who we are, what we do, and every person around us. Hey, maybe Ill go through this again when Im 26, 27…etc. I have no idea but I just wanted to put this out there in the universe and share my thoughts with you. Maybe your 30, 20, 15, 26 it doesn’t matter this can happened to us at any age and I highly doubt Im the only one who is thinking or feeling this way…
Im excited for the future,I will always follow my heart. I am scared of the unknown, but remain mindful about moments in life.To always remember and feel.
Im going cry tomorrow on my birthday I just know I will, but Ill be crying with a smile, “A holy crap Im 25, Ill be 30 in 5 years smile”.
Cheers to getting older, and living life,
Love, thank you for reading,