TRUTH.

TRUTH.

I haven’t blogged since October 30th.

Its wild- but Im ready to tell you why.

Since Im all about lifestyle, mindfulness, self-love, wellness, girl power and workouts; Ive been going through the test of self-love, respect, independence, strength {mental and physical} basically;  the ultimate workout… let me tell you about it…

what is the ultimate workout: the one that could last a longgggg time and you cant prepare for it or the severe inconvenience of it all. That workout that makes you mentally and physically depleted of every ounce of happiness or energy you might have, and not to mention that added sweet stuffing filled with a sickening roller coaster of emotions {happy-sad-anger-repeat}. Even the fittest person on earth would struggle no matter how hard they trained or prepared … so what am I talking about?…its universal, its fucking shitty, and its something you will go through, or might have already, or you just might be right in the deep shit-thickness of it … a BREAK UP.

Fours years in the blink of an eye, BAM over. Going to bed watching Netflix with Nutella & PB , waking up having avo on toast, running around the apartment and laughing, cooking, going on adventures, being silly with your best friend, your love, your partner – its GONE.  Your life changes, your partner is gone.  Oh ya, he’s still walking around and living near you, but he’s not the same person, and neither are you. Everything is different, you feel that energetic barrier, once again strangers. You miss him so much, you miss “us”. Maybe you felt it creeping up on you, maybe you didn’t. Either way, its shit, and your life just got turned upside down and you feel like you have absolutely nothing to grip to for safety/comfort no matter how many girlfriends you call crying. You love them SO much because they listen to you go over and over {and over} about the same thing, and they give you amazing advice {sometimes you listen/ or not..}  nothing will make you feel better, only yourself. And all of a sudden songs from Jewel and Alanis Morissette just get you! You let those tears flow as you drive and sing the words to the songs and you cant help but laugh at yourself because of how cliche this moment is! In the last month, I learned in my weakest vulnerable moments, that you CHOOSE to be strong and find strength – its all about perception.

I chose strength over weakness because one night I had enough. I rolled out my yoga mat, sat down in front of my mirror, and bursted out crying, like silent-body-shaking crying! THE WORST TYPE! I had to just let it all out. When I stopped, I said out loud while looking into my own eyes,  “Mich, get your shit together.”  I really looked at myself, I saw how sad and exhausted I was, how unhappy I was, how much pain I was feeling. I knew I couldn’t keep calling my friends, I had to do this on my own even though that one person I really want to make me feel better isn’t there anymore…  So there I sat, I cried, and wiped the tears from my face, asked myself questions and answered them, when I was done I made a promise that this would be the last time I would cry over this person … and in all honesty ain’t no body got time to keep being sad!

Ive been going back and forth in my mind, how / when / if I should write about it.  What I would say in this post, how I would feel when writing or putting it out there in the universe, but I want to be honest with everyone and tell you where Ive been {besides bed crying/ sleeping and not sleeping!}.

Lets back track it up to Oct 11. I left to Montreal the morning after it happened. I woke up at 7 am after 3 hours of sleep with the puffiest eyes EVER, and was on a plane at 2 pm. I had to get away. I was suffocating, air felt heavy. When returning to Vancouver 2 weeks later, I got off the plane, cabbed home, opened the door while holding my suitcase in hand, and bursted out crying.  I came back to an apartment hollow and empty of love – I KID YOU NOT JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIES! I slowly made way into the bedroom feeling sick to my stomach. Imagine: Your side of the closet is filled with clothes, and you slowly open his side, hold your breath, body tense as ever, and see all the hangers are neatly placed to one side of the closet, all clothes are gone. I never wish this feeling upon anyone. I felt like I couldn’t get out of bed, but I threw myself into work {ugh I love what I do and all my clients, so that helped me a lot!} and going out and being busy so I could come home and just sleep. I want to write and share this experience with you, because Ive never felt so weak, yet so strong in my whole life, I am proud of myself..

So there it is, and here I am. I had to take time to readjust get reintroduced to “me”, if that makes sense.  This isn’t a pitty blog, or a blog about me being sad- its actually about how much empowerment, inner strength, respect and love I have for myself because I chose to, I chose to be ok.  Its relatable, not only for relationships but anything to do with love and loss and adjustment. If you saw my social media or worked out with me, you wouldn’t even have known how deep the pain and sadness was that I felt. But I think that helped me feel better- fake it till you make it, and always keep it classy!! Day by day thoughts, places, feelings, memories are compartmentalized better.  You become numb, develop thicker skin, and choose to NOT CRY ANYMORE, to not be brought down by your evil thoughts, to work harder, focus on yourself, and know how amazing you are.  Fake it till you make it- Ive been living by this. Mascara, blush and coffee bring you life- oh and side note,  T-shirts from the company Project Social T are the best to get cozy in and wallow in  🙂

The universe isn’t being the kindest to me- WAIT UP .. or is it?! Weekend after weekend some form of a slap in the face appears that could easily bring me right back to being sad or overthinking, but I look at the positives. I now realize Im taking it as it comes and Im staying strong because I know everything will be ok- theres just no other option. You have the power to decide how long you want to wallow in misery, and then you just need to take control of all those bad thoughts, breathe, and change them to positive ones. Your thoughts will come out in actions and life will begin! I am choosing to workout, eat well, smile, laugh, dance in my apartment in my underwear, blast music and just be ME, and be happy. Being in a relationship is awesome, and so is being single! I MUST practice what I preach. This isn’t the ending its a new beginning for BootyByMich to kick ass & build ass!

but for now- I love you all.

Mich

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5 Comments

  1. Leslie Rossi | alifewellconsumed
    December 1, 2016 / 11:42 pm

    awesome girl! i loved this post, not loving what you went through, but how honest you are 🙂 it can only get better!

    • BootyByMich
      December 2, 2016 / 4:09 am

      Thank you so much for support and comments! If it helps anyone its worth it. HUGS!

  2. Lea
    December 2, 2016 / 1:58 am

    You go girl! These things are never easy. Beautiful human continue inspiring, keeping it real and adding value! Xx

    • BootyByMich
      December 2, 2016 / 4:09 am

      GIRL!!!! THANK YOU!! I just had to get it out there ! I would be hiding it from me ! my own blog / life if I hadn’t written about it! Thank you for your support love you1

  3. Carrie
    December 2, 2016 / 6:55 pm

    I have been on that yoga mat, staring at my hot-mess-self in the mirror. It’s so universal and your words captured the feeling so perfectly.

    You’re an inspiration and absolutely, wonderfully relatable. Thanks Mich ❤

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